Today’s Best Headline

Lesbos Ladies Launch Lesbian Lawsuit

Check out the full story here. It’s a goodie.

A New Trading Post

I just found out about an awesome free online service called Commuto and I thought I’d share. You never know what people might be interested—one’s man’s trash is another man’s treasure. In fact, that’s exactly what this online community is all about.

Commuto allows you to trade out your old, unwanted stuff for new stuff. Basically you sign up, make a list of the things you’d like to get rid of (ex: old DVDs, clothes you no longer wear, furniture, books—anything!) and then make a list of things you’d like to get (ex: bike, vintage dress, movies, books—anything!) and Commuto does the rest. It will find other people from your area who are looking to trade with you for your shit! It’s awesome.

What’s the difference between using Commuto and looking at craigslist for hours on end? Commuto makes this stuff easy and it notifies you when what you’re looking for is available. Plus, it takes care of getting rid of your stuff for you, so there’s no more time spent making new ads for your stuff etc. etc.

Anywho, if you’re the kind of person who’s interested in thrift stores, unloading unwanted crap, getting some cool new stuff and streamlining the trading process, then you’ll probably dig the heck out of Commuto.

Baby Mama Review or Steve Martin Can Still Be Funny, I Guess He Just Doesn’t Want To Be Most Of The Time

For those of you who are wondering if Baby Mama is any good please don’t make your decision based on the trailers. The movie is way better than the marketing would have you think. I’ve been getting pretty sick of Amy Poehler too, but she’s totally funny in this movie—“I feel like I’m shitting a knife!”

The plot is predictable, sure, but the comedy more than makes up for that. It’s a story about the sacrifices that successful women make for their career and the challenges of becoming the person you want to be—it’s also about babies.

Fey and Poehler obviously work really well together and it was cool to see them working together for more than just a few minutes in a SNL sketch. Plus, Steve Martin is not only in the movie, he’s also funny. No really. I’m serious. I feel like you don’t believe me. Hey, if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t believe me either, but it’s true. He plays this Über new-age old man with a long white pony-tail and a love for swimming with wild dolphins off the Costa Rican coast. He’s really good. I know you still don’t believe me, but you’ll be surprised I think.

Anyway, I’ll admit that I wasn’t always a fan of Tina Fey. In fact, when people told me that I looked like her, I viciously attacked them (sometimes physically). I think it was her Weekend Update performances and the fact that she was a successful comedienne—I was jealous? Yeah, who am I kidding? Of course I was (am) jealous of her. But, I got past that (never really got past that actually) and now I’m a total devotee of Fey and all that she does. This movie is just another example of her charm and talent to bring comedy to the masses while still keeping it smart. Good job Tina, you’re the bestest.

A Movie to Get ‘Offed’ To

Netflix was kind enough to send me Wristcutters: A Love Story yesterday, which I promptly watched and thoroughly enjoyed. Starring the always handsome Patrick Fugit (Almost Famous) and the always sunny Shannyn Sossamon, happenstance would have it that Mark Boone Junior (of looking like Hagrid and 30 Days of Night fame) also appeared in the film—so the star power was almost overwhelming.

The movie is about a world wholly inhabited by those who have committed suicide. This world is a desert and people don’t smile, however, drinking and driving seems to be allowed and most of the locals tend to throw caution to the wind. Zia (Fugit) comes to this world after offing himself when he can no longer stand the depression of losing his former girlfriend. One day when he is in the market in this afterlife world, he runs into a guy he used to know played by Jake Busey (!!! Yeah, Jake Busey is in the movie too!!!) who informs him that said ex-girlfriend also committed suicide soon after Zia did. So now Zia is on a mission to find her. He gets his European buddy to tag along and the adventure begins. From there they meet Mikal (Sossamon) and there you have it.

I think most people will find this movie to be adorable and adequately entertaining. There are no lulls, the characters are great and, oh shit, did I mention Tom Waits is also in it!?! ‘Cause he is.

Rent it, buy it, whatever. Just watch it.

This Long Beach Life: Moment #1

I was driving to work this morning down Redondo, when a fire truck, lights shining and sirens blaring, came into view about a quarter of a mile ahead of me. I slowed down and pulled to the side of the road and saw an old man walk out of his apartment building and stretch his arms out on the side walk. As the speeding fire truck drove past, the fireman at the wheel gave a big friendly wave to the man on the sidewalk, who returned the gesture and went on stretching. Long Beach was Small Town, USA at that moment.  It was so refreshing.

Vampires are LAME.

30 Days of Night

 

What the hell? Honestly. What…the…hell?

First of all, I’m over vampires. Seriously.

Second of all, here are these people trapped in a town, no light, no way to call or get help and no way out. Okay fine. But Hagrid (Mark Boone Junior) was there. Why couldn’t they just fly the fuck out on his dragon and call it an afternoon?!

The movie is shit and that guy does look like Hagrid, for reals.

Forgetting The New Yorker

Friday night I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall and it was everything I was expecting. It was funny, sad, cute and all that other stuff, plus Paul Rudd was his usually incredible self. I don’t really know what to say about it that you haven’t probably heard already so I’m tempted not to say anything more at all.

Except this: see it.

Oh….I’m sorry. I just can’t help it. I just made the awful mistake of reading The New Yorker’s review of FSM. Here’s a taste: 

“Think of the lame “Joe Versus the Volcano” (1990), with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan…”

Well sorry you fucking jerks, but if FSM is anything like Joe then sign me the fuck up! How dare they, How DARE they? The full article is here if you’re interested. 

Gear Up for The Grand Pricks.

 

The Long Beach Grand Prix (pronounced ‘pree’ not ‘pricks’—thanks big sister) is officially underway today, and let me tell yah, it’s loud. I work in the Arco Center on Ocean Blvd. in downtown Long Beach. The benefit of this, besides covered parking and great views, is that I get to hear the thunder of the cars as they race down my street.

Right now a race is going on. The sound of these cars is bouncing off the walls of the tall city buildings and the bridge walls, resulting in a constant boom of excitement. Now, I’ve never really been that into cars. I mean sure, I wanna be a race car driver, but who doesn’t? Yet, as I sit here listening to the gears shifting, the tires screeching and those remarkable engines roar I can’t help but want to run outside and gaze at them all day.

I took a trip up to the 15^th floor yesterday. It’s the top floor of the building and because it doesn’t have a tenant, it has become the building’s rec center. There’s a pool and ping pong table, dart board and 360 degree views—including the majority of the race course. I watched the cars from above and they looked like lightning fast Micro Machines™. I miss those.

Grand Prix tickets can be a little pricy, however, if you want to come down and check it out for free there’s ways. You can take a ride on the ferris wheel for $1. Because no one else ever does this you get a really long ride and the coolest part is that the ferris wheel is right next to the track, like five feet or so away, so you can see a great portion of a race with incredible views. Or you could hang out on the corner of Pine Street during the drift races. If you’ve never seen the drifting stuff, then you’re in for a treat. As douche baggy as it may sound, it’s freaking awesome to watch—for seriouslies.

The Grand Prix is a good time and you should check it out. The weather is supposed to be perfect too, not to hot so it’s great for standing outside all day and not getting toasted.

The Witches Brew That’s Right for You!

          So Jessica mentioned she wanted me to try a bunch of expensive stuff and then review it for her—fundamentally becoming her own personal Elle correspondent. Well Jessica, here you go. 

    Moroccan Oil.

            I get my hair cut at Atlantic Studio in Long Beach on the corner of Junipero and 4^th. It’s a great salon—clean, friendly and staffed by a team of hipster geniuses. I love my lady. Her name is Liz and she reminds me a lot of Kat Von D in multiple ways. Anywho, she’s always down to try new things with my hair and the last time I went in for a trim was no exception.

        She busted out this tiny 8oz bottle of Moroccan Oil and when I asked what it was her eyes lit up like the two suns of Tatooine. She went on to tell me all of the benefits found within this little bottle, some of which are:

• shinier hair
• silkier hair
• faster dry time/styling time
• stays in you hair even after washing (!!!!Confirmed by me the next day!!!)
• one bottle goes a long way

         How long? She brought the bottle over and didn’t even tip it. Instead, she used the residue from the rim of the bottle—that’s all the stuff she needed for my whole head! “No way is that going to cover all my hair,” I said skeptically. But then she dried my hair.

         It was incredible. My hair had never felt so good—ever, and my hair usually feels pretty damn good when I leave the salon. This was insane. This magical witch potion changed my life. Then I asked her how much it was and she said about $40+ for that tiny 8oz bottle. I’ve never been the kind of person who spends that much on mystic goop, so I passed. However, next time I go in I’m buying it dangit! This stuff is so freaking amazing. The only problem with Moroccan Oil is that it is only sold in salons and to salons. You can’t order it online or anything. So, my recommendation is head to the site, find the nearest salon that sells it and bust out the wallet for witch-goop-extreme-fantastic, you won’t regret it.

Become One with the Land

     It’s not very often that I do a consumer review, but something has come up that I wanted to get off of my chest. For the past few months I’ve been using TRESemmé hair products. Why? Well, because they’re cheap, they smell okay and my hair feels pretty good when I get out of the shower. It’s a standard product for a standard price and for awhile I was content with that.

    Two weeks ago I got bored and decided I want to switch things up. I walked into the drug store and paced the product aisle looking for something new, exciting and a little more expensive—just as an experiment of sorts. What I found was ABBA.

     ABBA is a 100% vegan hair styling product, so I felt like I was doing someone a favor on top of getting quality. Plus, I found a shampoo and conditioner that smelled like mint, which I love. When you use product that smells like mint in the morning it’s incredibly invigorating—wakes you right up. I squished some goop into my hands and got to lathering. I could smell the mint for sure, but the actual feeling of my hair was…odd. I continued regardless. I went for the conditioner and gave it a smoosh. Now a new smell. Some mint to be sure, but something else as well…wet dog. Wet dog!?!?!

    Maybe it was a fluke. I got out of the shower and engaged in my normal styling regime when I noticed the end result; my hair had turned to straw. The hippies had done it. They wanted to become one with nature and they finally had. I tried and tried to run my fingers through my once soft hair, but nothing. Just rough, stringy, painful fists of fury.

   ABBA blows. Sure it’s 100% veggie, but maybe that isn’t so great. Maybe you need all of those magic chemicals to make your hair shiny, smooth and fucking bearable. I wouldn’t recommend this stuff. Maybe I just smell like wet dog, maybe it just doesn’t work well on my hair and maybe it’s actually the best goop in the world—I’m just sayin’.